Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
