Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
