dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
