I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
