Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
