Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
