I want to have your abortion
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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