Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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