oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
