Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just high enough for therapy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
