id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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