I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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