would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
