she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
