are you still at the devil's house?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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