That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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