dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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