so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
