hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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