i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
