What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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