stop calling my apartment porn island.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
