4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
