I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
that is very illegal...i love you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
