Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
