you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
