Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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