Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
