I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
