I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
