He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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