my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
