The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize