Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
