so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm passing your future prison.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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