why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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