I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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