textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
