How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
