Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
