if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
