i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
