I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize