Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
