I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
