His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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