Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
