Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
