I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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