I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
