I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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