I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
