people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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