I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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