fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
