sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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