people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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