I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
