i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Even my vagina gasped.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize