i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize