We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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