Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Drunk is not a location!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
