Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
