Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
