I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
