So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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