dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
