it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
