what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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