I wanna bring you to show and tell
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
