I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
