So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
